And So It Goes

I AM MY OWN WIFE closed today in Harrisburg. A few days ago the Open Stage Theatre received the following.

To: Cast and Crew of “I Am My Own Wife”
OPEN STAGES
Harrisburg, PA

February 20th, 2007

Dear Cast and Crew,

I hear wonderful things about your production of my play in Harrisburg, and I just wanted to write and (a) thank-you from the bottom of my heart for your decision to do the play, and (b) wish you all due congratulations on its success.

I was a great fan of the New York production, and its star Jefferson Mays. In my heart, I worried that the play wouldn’t survive without him…after all, the role is a bit demanding! So it thrills me to know that actors like Dennis Fox have triumphantly made it their own, illuminating Charlotte in all her complexity. And I’m profoundly gratified to hear that directors like Don Alsedek have so sensitively captured the show’s spirit.

I wish you a happy run at Open Stages. I’ve no doubt that audiences are in for a treat.

Fond regards,
Signature
Doug Wright

There is nothing I admire more in my fellow men than a touch of class, and this gesture from Mr. Wright is full to the brim. As the artistic director’s wife said, “ He didn’t have to do that.” No, he didn’t. But it was much appreciated by us all.

Thursdays

Thursdays are a bit surreal, but I like them. I awake in my NYC apartment, make a few brief preparations, pet the cats, fill the sinks with water, and head to the car. Three hours later I am in Harrisburg. During the second half of the trip I loose WNYC on the radio, so I use that time to run the play, out loud, in the car. Just me and the 38 guys, gals, and transvestites from the cast.

Once in Harrisburg I acclimate to my new surroundings by parking the car on City Island in a covered garage and walking across the bridge over the Susquehanna river to downtown Harrisburg.



The next order of business is eating my main meal of the day (around 2pm to 3pm) and then, a nap. Arise at 5:30, shower, shave and to the theatre by 7pm. Perform for the “pay what you can folks”. This is an Open Stage tradition where they allow people to pay what they can on Thursdays. Consequently the houses are large but are mostly comprised of college age students who have been required to attend something and write a paper about it. (God help us).

Following the performance I graciously invite the entire cast out to what now is a traditional venue, O’Grady’s sports bar, for a beer and mozzarella sticks. Even if half the cast comes, it still seems to be the same enlivening synergy each and every Thursday. I then retire to my little efficiency at the International House and write meaningless drivel like what you’ve just read.

I like Thursdays.

There Are Three Kinds Of Pipe!

Does this look familiar?



It has been in my dreams/nightmares for a while now. APPARENTLY there are one or two things that, even if you can do it by yourself, you shouldn’t. Moving your gas meter is one of them. Living in a big city and all, and having the bureaucratic behemoth Con Edison as your service provider are two strikes against the little guy—the scrappy do-it-yourselfer. A certain meter reader, who was allowed to live, (he probably had kids, or at the minimum, a mother) raised an eyebrow or ten when he read the meter mid December. He muttered something about, “looks like a landlord job to me”, and added smarmily that he hoped this was registered with the city.

REGISTERED WITH THE CITY!!

Not five minutes later the nightmares began, even though I was wide-awake. Several phone calls were made to friends and friendly contractors before I got on the line, Scarponi plumbing. They had done the plumbing on a bathroom that I remodeled a couple of years ago and I liked the guys they sent (as much as you can like a plumber). Bill, the owner listened to my plight, chuckled and said, “you’ve got yourself in a bucket of sh_t”, adding, “Con ed are motherf__ers”. I knew I was in good hands. We settled on a price. (ouch!!) And so began the painstaking process of getting the thing legit. I had to take down a couple of cabinets, open a couple of holes in the ceiling and wait. They applied to the city for a permit (two weeks) then they showed up and changed a shut-off valve that I had left in place, and installed this new “meter bar” that con ed now requires. I had just put the old meter back in line, but NO!

Get this. The shut-off valve that they replaced was very near the riser (the pipe that ‘rises’ from the basement and feeds all the “D line” apartments). I didn’t change it because you would have to shut off the entire riser to accomplish this. And that’s bad because you have to have access to all the effected apartments to re-light pilot lights and make sure the pressure was restored properly. HUGE HEADACHE! So Bill’s son takes a look and says, “Ah, no problem, I’ll just change it out real quick”. He loosens the valve, then unscrews it completely and sticks his thumb in the pipe! Then he paints the threads around his thumb with pipe dope, and with the new valve in his other hand, pulls his thumb out and quickly screws on the valve! We heard the hiss of the gas for a few seconds and that was that.

Then they set a date and time with Con Edison for an inspection. Half the time they show, half the time they don’t. Thankfully they didn’t because there was a very real possibility that, given the nasty version of an inspector, I would have had to remove many more cabinets and rip into many more ceilings and walls to expose the run of pipe. Since they didn’t show the plumber (who has a license, go figure) is allowed to ‘self certify’. They checked everything out and all my work passed all the pressure tests etc. So now all I have to do is call Con Edison to get them to install a new meter! I’ll let you know how long that takes.

When dealing with plumbers I am always reminded of an extremely funny scene in MOONSTRUCK, the film with Cher and a young and unspoiled Nicholas Cage, where Cher’s father, played by the late great Vincent Gardenia pulls up in front of a brownstone. Two painters in splattered whites, carrying gear and ladders are coming down the front steps. Cosmo Castorini (Gardenia’s character) gets out of his Lincoln town car and bounds up the steps, past the painters, dressed in a sports jacket and tie. One painter turns to the other and says, “I should have been a plumber”. CUT TO: Cosmo, sitting on the toilet scraping the exposed waterline with a nickel. He turns to the terrified yuppie couple huddled in the doorway, and with an authoritative boom announces, “there are three kinds of pipe!” The couple now knows that they will soon be hemorrhaging money.

Neither snow nor sleet...

So the morning started at 5:15am. My wife got up and got ready for her 6:15 van call. They were headed to the Jersey shore. Nice destination except for mid February when snow and ice have just pummeled the region.

I puttered until 8:30 when I headed to the car parked a few blocks north of our place. (“You have a car in New York City”, “Shaddup! I’ll deal with you later!”). After a half hour of hacking at ice drifts and ramming my car back and forth, back and forth, I was free. Off I went, west toward Harrisburg.

Twenty minutes after crossing into Pennsylvania I encountered this.



ALLENTOWN, Pa. - Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell declared a statewide disaster emergency Thursday to deal with the aftermath of the winter storm that created a 50-mile traffic jam on Interstate 78.

As one trucker put it:

The traffic jam on the icy, hilly section of Interstate 78 in eastern Pennsylvania started to ease by the afternoon, but drivers were still seething “How could you operate a state like this? It's totally disgusting,” said Eugene Coleman, of Hartford, Conn.

I phoned my two friends in NYC who were planning to make the trip up to see me in “Wife”. I told them that under no circumstances were they to risk their lives to see me in this play. I was completely taken aback when they agreed.

And so begins my third week of performances.

GOOOOAAALLLLL!!!!!

The NFL was recently whining about how efforts to penetrate the Hispanic market have yet to yield any fruit. Please. They are up against the ‘beautiful game’, and there is no competition.

The USA, even without the aid of the soon to arrive Beckham, beat Mexico 2 nill at the University of Pheonix stadium. Jimmy Conrad headed home a corner kick by Donovan in the 52nd minute, beating goalkeeper Oswaldo Sanchez inside the left post. It was the first international goal for Conrad, playing in his 19th game for the Americans, and the 24th career assist for Donovan, the U.S. career leader.

Donovan added the clincher in the 90th minute off a pass by Ricardo Clark. The two teams were playing in front of a heavily pro-Mexican sellout crowd of 64,462.



Jimmy Conrad